How can someone deliver peak performance while batting their inner demons? The two feel like complete opposites, nevertheless, I want to share my battle strategies on how I have approached the challenge. For most of my life my inner demons have been depression and anxiety.
Battle Helmet: Temet Nosce (Know Thyself)
For the Fantasy & Sci-Fi nerds out there (I’m a big one), I am referencing the sign above the Oracle’s door in The Matrix. One great way to get to know and understand yourself is to take a personality test. Myers Briggs and Enneagram are two tests I have found insightful and powerful.
I learned that I am an extreme extrovert; on my bad days, being alone significantly amplifies negative thoughts. I’m conscious of needing consistent social interaction to fill up my emotional bucket. A core challenge of mine is the belief that vulnerability equals weakness. When stressed, this led me to control my environment through assertive and aggressive behaviors, which rub people the wrong way. Understanding my personality has allowed me to jointly plan for emotionally fulfilling experiences while softening as a person. The results have only been encouraging as I have more constructive and collaborative relationships with my co-workers and loved ones.
Begin building your battle strategy by getting to know yourself and protecting your mind – much like a battle helmet protects your brain.
Body Armor: Find Your Personal Code and Live It
My personal code has been shaped by, among other ideologies, Stoicism, which has been around for about 2,000 years. It is “a philosophy designed to make us more resilient, happier, more vitreous and wiser and as a result, better people, better parents, and better professionals.”[1] I have high confidence that all of us want that! Living my Stoic code involves three actions.
First, manage your perceptions
Stoic Philosopher Seneca wrote “we suffer more often in imagination than in reality”.[2] Applying the principle in a business setting: how many times have you dreaded going to a meeting because you assumed it wasn’t going to go well? We all anticipate a scenario, tell ourselves a story that hasn’t happened, and may find ourselves in a high-anxiety state. How many times did your prediction come to fruition? Not always, right? Think how much suffering could have been avoided by simply managing your perceptions. Expand this notion across your life and I’m confident you avoid a lot of needless suffering. Being conscious of your perceptions and the impact they have on you is a massive first step in building up your body armor.
Next, act only on what you can control
While removing unnecessary suffering is a fantastic first step in quelling your anxiety, it does not mean we should not prepare ourselves for potential outcomes. It’s imperative that we are laser-focused on self-control to ensure the best possible response to any situation.
One Stoic tool that’s been tremendously helpful to me when I’m feeling at my absolute worst is completing a premeditatio malorum. Translated, a premeditation of evils. Sounds sinister, but simply put, it means writing down what could go wrong in the scenario giving you anxiety and then determining your responses if that situation happens (e.g., if that person cuts me off mid-sentence again, this is how I will respond). The goal is to control yourself, so you are responding, not reacting.
Finally, accept what you cannot control
The last step is both the hardest and most rewarding. While controlling ourselves and perceptions are within our control, everything else is not. Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer captures this notion well:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The hard truth is we do not know or control our fate. However, I want to encourage you to “not merely bear what is necessary…but love it.”[3] The Stoics call this Amor Fati. Translated: love your fate. Surrender to the things we cannot control and learn to not only bear but love our unexpected life challenges. As I implemented an Amor Fati mindset, what surprised me most was my reaction to the unexpected shift from an anxious “oh crap!” to “good, this will sharpen me.” Now, an Amor Fati coin sits on my desk as a daily reminder to live my code.
If knowing thyself is your helmet, and establishing and living your code is your body armor, then you will need a weapon when heading into battle with your demons. For me, this weapon is movement…
Battle Sword: Movement
It’s difficult for me to pinpoint when I became aware of my depression and anxiety, however, I do recall the first-time depression became a major life disruptor, and it directly correlates to the involuntary loss of movement.
I was 17. I played many sports growing up, but I loved football the most. During a game, in an attempt to tackle me, one of my opponents’ full body weight landed directly on the back of my knee. I was in instant pain, but adrenaline carried me through the rest of the game (everyone plays hurt when you play football). The injury required surgery, which meant a complete loss of my safe haven, movement. Over time, I began to distance myself from family, friends, and responsibilities. All I really looked forward to everyday was sleep. I wasn’t in (emotional and physical) pain when I was sleeping. I began to consider if it would be better if I was not around anymore, at least the pain would be gone. This is a scary internal dialogue that’s admittedly even difficult for me to write.
At this massive inflection point, my father, who had previously battled depression, recognized the unhealthy patterns in my behavior and intervened. My knee surgery was a success and a return to my training regimen in addition to some professional counseling placed me on a completely different life trajectory. It was slow, but my overall outlook on life began to improve. While my knee hasn’t been the same since, I was still able to play football for three more years and was fortunate enough to make a nationally ranked D3 college football team.
I could easily reference numerous studies indicating the powerful connection between exercise and the release of endorphins triggering a positive feeling in the body. Instead, I want to ask one question: have you ever felt bad after exercising? I bet you felt phenomenal, especially when you didn’t want to do it. Consider adding more movement to your regime, especially on your toughest days. Even a quick walk outdoors can be a game-changer. For me, movement is an inflexible part of my battle strategy – it’s my weapon.
Final thoughts and a call to action
You can absolutely achieve peak personal performance while simultaneously battling your demons. Fortify your mind with a helmet by knowing yourself, protecting yourself with body armor while living your code, and attacking those demons head-on with your movement sword.
In closing, to that one person out there that feels alone and hopeless, I’ve been there. If you need someone to listen, I can help. Please direct message me via LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-williams-16226228/ or directly contact the Go4Graham Foundation https://www.go4graham.org/ , a mental health foundation I ambassador, that can offer you many resources including a free guidance consultation.
Amor Fati,
Kyle Williams
*Sales Team Lead, Walmart – Wells Enterprises
*Title and company of the author reflect their position at the time article was written.
The opinions expressed here by guest bloggers are their own, not necessarily those of Stout Executive Search.
[1] www.dailystoic.com
[2] Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XIII
[3] Nietzsche, Ecce Homo